Updated: Aug 15, 2020
“There’s choosers, there’s takers. There’s beggin’, heartbreakers”.
Forever disappointed, but never surprised.
I give 100% to every person that comes in my life. I don’t want to be one of the people that dragged their past pain into their current relationships. I did that before, it did nothing beneficial for me. Everyone called me rude, mean, bitter. Now I get called the same things, even when I give someone all my love and support. I am caught in a constant rotation of giving people a love I do not receive – and that goes for practically everyone.
Everyone has people, or that person, that they do more for than what they do for them. Whether it’s still getting them food when they don’t have money, giving them a ride, or letting them borrow a few dollars. These are the same friends they do nothing but talk down on you or stare when you’re down bad. (I appreciate Nicholle & Coby so much for NEVER doing these things).
I am the most selfish, selfless person I know. I will let myself go through the most physical discomfort, but I learned not to let people bring me down emotionally anymore. I don’t cancel my me-time plans for other people, I prioritize my alone time, and I have to schedule people in. That is what works for me. To spend time with me, is to plan time for me – because just as emotionally unavailable as I am, I am physically bound to my professional life.
“You will never hear me say – come hold me, console me”.
I’ve learned that being there for people emotionally does not mean they will be there for you. People beg for positions in your life they are not qualified to hold.
If my whole world ended today, could I run to you tomorrow?