Updated: Aug 15, 2020
Do not let someone disturb your peace while trying to protect their own.
I've ran into many people in my life who have caused me chaos while making themselves comfortable. I am a person that is very proud of my accomplishments, and willing to share the things that I have - but I am a FIRM believer that I cannot bring everyone into my blessing with me. And I stand true to this, especially if it's someone that doesn't sprinkle blessings into my life too.
When it comes to friendships and relationships, I've had to set very specific boundaries.
One of them being that I am not a free uber. I will not drive anyone around this city, for any reason - for free. That is not my purpose. It is a waste of my time and gas.
When I got into my car accident at the end of last year, all the people that I would drive around did not help me AT ALL. Nobody was willing to pick me up & help me get to work, even when I offered gas money. And with everything I go through, I learn how to reorganize the people in my life and what I see their purpose as. Being in a position where you have to be dependent on others really teaches that.
Another boundary I've had to set is that if I am your friend, or girlfriend - I am not your parent. I should not have to constantly correct you on things that you do, or teach you how to budget, or how to simply be manner-able.
I have horrible anxiety when it comes to social situations and paying things on time. I hate teaching people how to budget, because people don't want to budget. They never understand why I pay bills as early as I do & there's always someone correcting me on how I spend my money. And the same people that love to tell me how much money I spend are the same people that don't touch as much money as me - no shade. And I hate being in social situations with a rude person. I went to iHOP with an associate a few weeks back - he didn't say please or thank you, he didn't tip, and he was loud the entire time. I am not easily embarrassed, but when I feel like someone makes me look like I don't have home training - that is so embarrassing. And when I'm embarrassed about something, I constantly dwell on it. There are things I did in elementary school that I still constantly think about.
And the most important boundary that I've had to set for my sanity, is that I cannot be a close friend or boyfriend's therapist. One, it's unethical and two, it's draining. I have no problem listening to people's issues sometimes & providing feedback - but I am not Iyanla.
The same people that always come to me with their problems or the same people that I could never run to or people that give advice that I will never need. I am not a person that takes advice from my peers, because there are so many problems that we all have that have simple solutions. It's not that I don't know what they are - it's just that I make some dumb decisions to. I am a person that just simply needs to vent. I want someone to listen, then hug me - and people don't know how to be that. Everyone wants to say that they are the person everyone comes to with advice, and they're proud about that. As the person that everyone really does come to for advice, I'm exhausted by it.
People don't understand how draining they can be when they aren't the ones being drained. I've lost friends that were musicians because while they wanted me to support their dream. they didn't support mine. You can't ask me about schools, but want me to post your music?
How is it fair to expect someone to keep giving without offering them anything?