Keep Your Two Cents

Fall in love with the person, not the materials they bring.

I listened to this black woman speak on how over the years people kept telling her what to look for in a man. It was a list, the usual list - handsome, rich, no children, nice car, etc. And she spoke about how over time, some things on that list were no longer a priority to her & how the people we date should and do reflect what we need in life.

She spoke about her chase for goodness. And how she wanted to date men that were good to other people, and did nice things for other people. And he didn't have to be handsome, or rich, and he was allowed to have had hiccups in his past.

And I just wish we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt in that way - but especially in relationships. And it is not about settling, it's about prioritizing. Are you going to skip out on a rich man because he has a child?

I've found that the two major things I need in a relationship are dominance and support. I cannot date someone who is overly emotional - I cannot date a yes man. I am a very independent person, and I love to lead - but when life becomes overwhelming, I need someone who can take lead in certain places in my life. And I am also a person that needs constant support. I need someone that understands that school and work come first right now - because I am nobody's mother and nobody's wife.

We have become so obsessed with telling people to search for in men and women something we have not found ourselves. When I found a man that had all the qualities on every man's list - I was unhappy, I was disrespected - there were things he wanted from me that I did not want to give. And some of us have to realize, that there are women and men out there that are exactly what we want, but we are not the men and women that we think we are.