Friendships take just as much effort as relationships.

And every conversation in a friendship can and won't be positive.

After high school, I fell out with all three of my best friends. All three were for valid reasons, at different times - but it left me alone. I wasn't too upset about it at first, until I lost the one I was closest too. It was a hard adjustment, not having anyone to call after receiving good news or after your hard days, but I got used to it. I was fine with not having close friends, I was usually at work or school anyway. I had a few friends I could talk to when I wanted to be social & I was in a relationship. Then, my aunt got married last year. I loved seeing all her friends come together for her wedding. I only had like two friends, what type of bridal party is that?! I realized that not all friendships need to be mended, but there was one friendship I absolutely wanted back, and that was my friendship with Maurche. I made it a New Years resolution to not only reach out to Maurche, but to make more female friends.


As women, we have the tendency to forgive our partners over and over again, but we will completely fall out with our friends over things we would never leave our partners for. We are so prideful when it comes to friendships, but so lenient when it comes to our relationships - and if anything, it should be the other way around. We're so focused on being seen as weak or soft - because there's a negative connotation with fighting for a friendship but a positive one with being a ride or die.


The friendships that are like family are the hardest to let go of. I considered her family, my family. We were together almost everyday, we literally talked everyday. And it was a friendship I never got closure from. It was truly the worst heartbreak I had ever experienced.


In relationships, we forgive a lot of things without apology but with explanation. And sometimes, you really do not need either. You do not need a man to apologize for cheating on you, or explain why he did - because at the end of the day, he cheated. You're taking back a cheater regardless of an apology.


Maurche and I tried talking things out, it led to arguments. We're both stubborns, we both were trying to be right. I wanted to be understand, and she wanted to be excused. Right after my birthday, the first birthday I hadn't celebrated with her since I was 17, I messaged her and told her I loved her. She didn't respond. I texted her the following week and told her that I just want to move forward, I miss her, and I don't want us to dwell on the past at all. It was an instant fix. We communicated, and fell right back into our friendship, as if the gap year never happened.


There are some friendships that are worth fighting for just like relationships. It is up to us to determine what we are and are not willing to look past. I did not want to have a wedding without Maurche in it. I couldn't picture a gender reveal, baby shower, graduation, or another significant day without being able to share it with my best friend.


Every relationship in your life, romantic or platonic, has to be worth fighting for. If someone wants you around, they will do what is necessary to keep you around. There should not be mixed emotions, or lack of certainty. We have to stop making it seem like friendships should not be as hard as relationships. There are things our friends know, that are significant others will never know and the other way around - both are necessary in life.

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underground black girl

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a place to discuss the things we're told to heal from without apology

about the creator

Hey everyone! My name is Alexus Moore, but everyone calls me Lexsie. I am currently an undergraduate student at a university in Indianapolis, IN. My major is Psychology & my minor is Afro-American Studies. 

I started my blog January 27, 2019 - a few days after a close friend of mine committed suicide. he struggled with his mental health a lot, and it was hard for him to find a safe place while he was here on earth. so, I was determined to make one. since that day I have dedicated my life to creating a safe place for us - and keeping a constant line of communication open for anyone who needs it.

the purpose of my blog is to create a space for people, especially black youth that are struggling with depression, anxiety, and more. we are constantly told that we are not allowed to feel emotion if we have basic necessities. and it is beneficial to know someone is there, and willing to listen.

so come on, let's heal 🖤

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