Updated: Aug 15, 2020
“Falling in love with Jesus was the best thing I ever, ever done”
I went to Ball State today, the first of the three colleges I have attended thus far.
It opened my eyes to some unprocessed emotions, some emotions I never knew I even felt.
A little about my college experience: Ball State is a little over an hour away from my hometown. Even though it was close, I had nobody when I went there. I had no friends, and I am not into meaningless social interactions – so I was lonely. I was depressed, my anxiety was at an all time high, I had to force myself to go get food because I would be so hungry and thirsty. I just wanted to go home. I made a few friends: two were psychos, one was a hater, one was racist, one was a bully, and the other three I absolutely still love and adore. My first semester was the worst semester I have ever had, and it caught up to me two semesters later. I ended up being forced to leave the place that I already hated – and it pissed me off that it wasn’t my decision, I didn’t even get a say.
I didn’t like parties. I was too nervous to go check out campus events by myself. And I was missing out on everything that college was supposed to be because I refused to conform. And even though I regret not doing things differently, I’m happy I didn’t let anyone bring me out of my character. I didn’t drink, I didn’t smoke, hook up culture scared me, I just wanted a consistent friend – my boyfriend at the time went to college all the way in Missouri. I was so alone.
When I moved back home, it was a since of relief. I thought everything would fall back into place. I thought my entire life would be like Summer 2016, never ending fun. It wasn’t. My best friend and I weren’t the same, there was constant drama with my ex, and I was working my butt off.
“In his arms I feel protected”
God knows me better than I could ever know myself. He knew that emotionally, Ball State was not the place for me. Even though I hated the way I had to leave, it was a change that needed to be made. I commute to school now, I have wonderful friends, I work an amazing job, I co-own a business! I was not meant to live the life of the average college student. Everyone goes different directions, and business and networking are mine. My faith made me content with where I am, but my grace makes me strive to keep going. God is a gift that keeps on giving. God gives us love that we do not deserve nor that we can imagine – simply because he knows that we are built for better than what we are and what we are being. I am walking into my purpose, with all sadness behind.