Updated: Aug 15, 2020
It's sad how people cannot have honest conversations anymore. And how it's unacceptable for me to speak my truth without being deemed disrespectful or rude. And it's not the fact that I'm being so, but it's the fact that if people don't want to here it - they automatically call it disrespectful. And it's crazy that the residents at my job have a better understanding that I am communicating and correcting them for their prosperity, but the people close to me can't grasp that concept at all.
I mean what I say, and say what I mean. I do not sugar coat things to adults - because they should be able to grasp the meaning of a conversation without being stuck on who the conversation is coming from. I will apologize for hurting someone's feelings, if that was the result, because I am in no position to tell someone how to feel - but I never regret anything I say. I overthink everything I say before I say it.
I got this tattoo June of last year, because it depicts my life perfectly. I am a free spirit. I am independent, uninhibited. I live according to my own standards and morals, and I have defined my own success. Societal pressures do not influence me, and once I let go of what everyone expected me to be - I became who I am. And every single person that has any negative opinion on what I do, or the person I am, was not able to accomplish have the things that I've been able to at my age.
And the people that have the most to say only contribute to your downfall, never your success. See, my mother - Lord, my mother. She has been the most amazing support system I could have ever wished for, especially going off to college. She is the only person that has been there to listen to my frustration, and help me out financially. When I moved to a different city, I was devastated. I was working 15 hours a week, making barely over minimum wage. I had been working since I was 16 & this was the least amount of money I had ever been bringing home. I was getting off work at midnight. So I had to purchase food, toiletries, and put gas in my car. My mother set me money every week.
Before I left for college, everyone had an opinion or where I was going or what I was going to be. None of those people sent me money. Or a care package. Nobody was helping me with gas, food, and all of that responsibility fell on my mother. And for my mother to help everybody, it broke my heart that no one was helping her with me. To have a child, outside of the city, struggling - had to be stressful enough. But to constantly give out some of your income so this child could simple survive, or live comfortably, could've done nothing but add more stress.
It's always been just me and my mommy. She is the only person's opinion that matters. Because in my time of need, she is going to be the only person that helps.
I've been caught in an ongoing cycle of overextending myself to everyone. I have been to everyone, the person I always wanted to be in my life. And I've never gotten that energy in return. I cannot wait to experience the love I give to others. Whether I receive that from a child, a friendship, or relationship. And if I don't, I've honestly gotten it from my mother.
So, all in all, if you have a negative opinion about me - pay me to care. Pick up a bill, make sure your opinion actually hold value to me. Because at my age, if you were not doing what I am doing, or if you cannot relate to why I feel the way I feel - your opinion is invalid anyway.