Updated: Aug 15, 2020
I feel weird speaking on parenting sometimes - because I'm not one. But my specialty is mental illness in minority children, I've taken multiple courses on development, and have multiple certifications dealing with the abuse of children.
So even though I don't speak from experience, I speak from statistics, and honestly - I speak from common sense that many toxic people just don't want to hear.
One of the biggest points I always bring up is to put the same energy into loving your child as you do your partner. You learn how your partner wants to be loved, and you respect that - even if it's different from your preferences. You have to have the same mindset with your children. For instance, my love language (and yes you can take an online quiz & figure out your own) is quality time. I love to be invited to do things by the people I'm close to. It is one of the main reasons why I rarely miss family events.
One of the main reasons for insecurity in children is a child hearing and seeing a parent talk down on their own body - because they take that information and copy it. You are telling them that one of the most special, beautiful people in the world to them is ugly, fat, stupid, etc.
Children need boundaries, not diets. Do not comment on your child's eating habits in a demeaning way. You are the parent, you have given them access to this food. Do not call them fat, do not comment on the amount of food that is on their plate. Redirect them, respectfully & with love.
Compliment more than the physical aspects of your child. Celebrate even the small victories. Tell them they are intelligent, that you are proud of them. Let your children know that the love you have for them is unconditional - and that no decision can change that. (This goes back to my first point. If you have forgiven your partner for cheating, emotional/physical abuse, etc - there is no reason that you cannot grant your child grace).
Do not cuss at your child. Cussing around them & cussing in conversation is not the same. Stop telling your one and two year olds that you're going to beat their a**. Stop yelling at your children to shut the f*** up.
As minorities, we raise our children as a community. We look after each other's children, we all feel pain when we see another child murdered. Speak life and love into your children everyday, as if it is their last. Grant your children grace, let them communicate their feelings, and learn the difference between abuse and discipline.