Updated: Aug 15, 2020
"Panicking and praying cannot live in the same house".
I went to church this past weekend. It was the first time in a while, and like always - I started crying as soon as I walk in. I find my time of praise and worship to be a time to relieve myself of any stress. I refuse to let myself feel ashamed or judged, and I make my time at church extremely personal. I talk to God everyday, usually out lout - and I format it as a regular conversation. I am speaking with Him, not at Him & I always ask for clarity, if nothing else.
I have been stressed out for months - about things that are already resolved and handled. I just have a constant paranoia that something can go wrong & my subconscious is constantly stressed out for me. I stopped going to church when I needed it most. And sometimes I just need to feel like a sermon is directed toward me. I need a reminder of the little things, that the love my God has for me is genuine, unique, yet equal.
My pastor brought up a valid point, well a question - How do I know that God is going to favor me the way He favors you?
And I love this question so much, because it highlights all the things in life we've taken for granted. We forget that not one person has everything they want and need. We all go through different struggles, there are people that have what we want & we have some things that people want. Even Beyonce is married to a cheating man, so who I am to point fingers & say that certain people are loved more by my God?
We dig ourselves in these holes & hope that God comes and fixes everything. We've all made that "God get me out of this & I'll promise I'll never do it again" moment. And guess what, we did it again. And yet we praise a forgiving God, a God that has truly defined unconditional love. We know that God is there for us during our worst times, the times we always run to Him - but what about our best? Why do we only call on him during the bad, as if he is not the reason for the good.
God does not love me more because I have some things that you don't. Just like God does not love you more because you have some things I don't. Some people are dealing with unwanted pregnancies while some are struggling to get pregnant. Some people are dating men that spoil them and cheat while others are dating men that don't even do the bare minimum, but sit around and be faithful.
Stop comparing your life to someone that has not experienced 100% of the same things as you. We all have our own paths, we have all made our own decisions, and we all have our own struggles. We pray to the same God, and because were are unique - we cannot all get the same results. All our prayers are heard, and dealt with accordingly.