Updated: Aug 15, 2020
“I hope someday I’ll make it out of here”
I surround myself with encouraging people. I receive the sweetest messages almost everyday from multiple people, some people I barely know. People are constantly rooting for me, at least in theory. But it seems like support is practically nothing when you’re not receiving it from the people that count.
I’m the only person that doubts myself. And it’s crazy because I am so proud of the woman I have become and the woman I am constantly evolving into.
I don’t need validation from anyone but myself, and I can’t give myself that until someone else doubts me or until I have successfully reached my goal. I wish I could hide from my own thoughts during my creative process.
I always say things will never work that always do.
“Heart made of glass, my mind of stone”
Attempting to receive validation from people when I needed it did nothing but break my heart. When I was in elementary and middle school, I used to write poems and stories. I was literally obsessed with writing every single day. Then in high school, I started presenting those poems. And people that they were cool, but then everything I wrote about was questioned. What if they knew you were talking about them? Is that how you really feel? You don’t find that embarrassing?
They should not have given me anything to talk about. Yes, that’s how I really feel, that’s why I said it. And to be embarrassed is to give someone else control of your own emotions.
When I can free myself of my own thoughts, I’ll truly be liberated.