“Don’t cut your journey short”
I saw a picture of my friend yesterday. And I got sad all over again. To reach a sadness where you want to take your own life is one of the most painful feelings in the world, and it breaks my heart everyday that he succeeded. It breaks my heart that we, as a society, let the people we communicate with everyday get to that point.
The first time I was in sixth grade, the second time I was a freshman. It’s even more saddening having mixed emotions at the failed attempts.
I felt like there was no one I could communicate to without being punished. I was already down & being punished for my emotions. When make it seem abnormal for minority children to be sad or disappointed, settling for the bare minimum should not be our norm.
When I did communicate, it always came out as anger. I was arguing, I was fighting. I was always seen as an angry black girl & never as a person sharing their emotions.
I wanted so bad to escape. I wanted so bad to be understood without trying to teach someone to understand me. Thank God I held on, Thank God I had someone protecting my broken little heart.
Going to college perfected me in my image. I still have my moments when I’m down, I still have moments where I don’t want to communicate – but who I am now is a goddess to who I was before. I am confident, I am loving, I am worthy, I am lovable. I grew happy with myself, completely. All my insecurities faded, because I saw people everyday with other ones. I was surrounded by people who didn’t need to know a thing about me, there was no pressure to please anyone else but myself.
“You’re my violet in the sun”
If I could tell my past self anything else, it would be this:
You end up being more than you could have every imagined. You are assertive, you are resilient, you are the woman you always dreamed about. Don’t give up now, because there is something waiting on you tomorrow.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10)